Guy Person Blog #2
Hello Again...
So I just opened my laptop with the urge to make another Blog Post... not really sure about what though .. .eventually I will come up with a more thought out plan for these.. but for now We Ride Free
One thing I think I want to achieve here is to inspire a healthy level of Vulnerability ... by Exhibiting my own Vulnerability .. so I think tonight I will talk a bit about the things that Weigh on My Mind and how I deal with them.. when I imagine the act of this I feel some kind of Catharsis echoing from the future. Gonna go ahead and follow that Thread
OK so I would have to say when it comes to Things I Deal With In My Psyche, the most prominent Things are my Dealings with Jealousy, FOMO, Resentment, whatever you want to call it (they all boil down to the same Gut Feeling IMO. I guess you could say the overall Fear of Inadequacy and not feeling Seen). When I see people on The Web posting their fun times or otherwise knowing there are Things Happening that I am not actively participating in (especially when I'm At The Crib Chilling) there is a part of me that wants to put the rest of me on the track of "There's A Reason, A Personal One" because u know.. I want to do Lit Shit and be Included like everyone else. There's a Plethora of things that bring this out in my Inner Monologue, and it 100% of the time does Nothing Good.
There's a Good Ending to this, though. I used to let those feelings eat away at me all the time and really strained my relationship with myself as well as other People I hold very Dearly to my Heart. Me, Myself, and I's Love Triangle was being put into question and we were sleeping in separate rooms. I decided I was gonna See What Happens if I prioritized my well-being from within (versus gauging my self worth based on external factors such as my social status, or how often I'm invited to something LOL). Once I started doing that, it's not like everything magically got better, but Personal Growth has become a lot more Consistent and Attainable. My struggles didn't change, but my Perspective did. I guess it is just a matter of Choosing which one of your Inner Voices to commit to.
Simply put - my life was ruled by negative feelings and low self-esteem for a long time and things only started to truly get better once I saw myself as someone that Can & Will Amp it Up. Not overnight, but over the course of my Whole Life. Something about a broad timeline like That is comforting to me.
I share this because I'm sure this is a common thing people go thru, especially in a time where Everyone is Broadcasting the most exciting parts of their life. I like to Relate and Resonate with People, so I'm putting this out there for Anyone who has Similar Happenings within them. Sometimes you gotta just say Fuck That and start orienting your goals around improving yourself from the Perspective of being Alone (not to be confused with Lonely).
I am freestyling this without going back to edit so please Excuse my schizo Stream Of Consciousness style here. Gotta work off the Rust somehow...
Anyways, if this brings anyone any sort of Motivation and Solace, that's Perfect. That's all I could ever Hope for. Being Transparent and Opening my Heart feels Good so it'd be Nice if it also has the added benefit of Helping People to any capacity.
I Love You Very Much,
Guy Person